Funny Boy Takes on the Chit-Chatting Cheeses from Chattanooga by Dan Gutman

Author:Dan Gutman [Gutman, Dan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-4532-5955-9
Publisher: Open Road
Published: 2012-10-22T16:45:00+00:00

Bob Foster, Punch, and I rushed to Wisconsin for our meeting with President Purgallin.

“Did you know,” Bob Foster informed us as we boarded the plane, “that the average American eats ten pounds of cheese each year?”

“Will you knock it off?” Punch screeched. “The whole planet is gonna be destroyed, and you’re giving us cheese trivia.”

A long white limousine was waiting for us when we got off the plane. A Secret Service agent hopped out and opened the door for us. The President was waiting inside the car.

“Good to see you again, Funny Kid,” the President said, sticking out his hand.

“That’s Funny Boy, sir,” I corrected him.

“Whatever. As you know, Earth is being threatened by some enormous cheeses from outer space. Once again I need your unique gift of humor to repel this threat to our existence.”

“I’ll do my best, sir.”

“Mr. President,” Bob Foster commented, “speaking of cheese, did you know that in the country of Tibet, yaks supply milk for cheese? Cheese is also made from donkey milk, zebra milk, and camel milk.”

The President looked at Bob Foster for a long moment.

“Who is this guy?” he asked.

“That’s Bob Foster, sir. Remember? He’s my foster father. He knows a lot about cheese. Maybe he can help us defeat this cheese menace.”

“You’ve got to know what you’re up against, Mr. President,” Bob Foster said. “Who was it who once said, ‘Know thy enemy’?”

“Somebody with bad grammar,” the President grunted.

The President looked like he was in a bad mood. It must be difficult running the country, it occurred to me. Every day you have to deal with the economy, Congress, conflicts with other nations, domestic problems. He certainly had enough problems to deal with. And now, enormous cheeses.

The limo pulled onto the highway, WELCOME TO WISCONSIN, a billboard read, AMERICA’S DAIRYLAND.

“I hate cheese,” the President muttered.

It wasn’t long before we had reached Appleton. The limo pulled up to a large barn, which the cheeses were apparently using as their headquarters for world domination.

“Let me do the talking,” the President told me. “I’ll find out what they’re up to. Then we’ll have you use your super power of humor.”

“Okay.”

The barn door opened and we walked inside. And there they were. Four enormous cheeses, dripping and oozing. They looked even bigger than they did on TV. And they were certainly smellier. The odor was overpowering. It was disgusting. I used my cape to cover my nose.

“So this is the President of the United States,” Romano snickered, sliding toward us.

“The most powerful man in the world,” drawled Mozzarella.

“Is he the best Earth can offer?” Fontina snorted.

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” snickered Monterey Jack.

“He’s got some friends with him, I see,” added Mozzarella.

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